Urban Liona at 6 Months Old

• Loves cruisin around the house in her walker. Went the furthest ever yesterday. I was completely shocked to turn around while making dinner, after having left her in the living room, she was right there smiling up at me in the kitchen doorway! Sneaky. The look on Urban's face when she realizes that she has taken herself somewhere, its pure wonder and joy. The independence, the excitement, the fun, she absolutely loves it. Her arms up and flailing as she runs crookedly. Sometimes she gets so excited as she is heading strait for me, but then with a slightly off push of her little feet the walker starts heading the wrong way, yet her head turns to continue facing me and smiling as her body confusedly goes the other way. Yesterday I was trying to get her to cone to me with air kisses and baby talk, then atlas jumped into the game in a different direction and started calling Urban to him. She got soooooo excited, looked back and forth between me and atlas. Then went strait to atlas! When she got there he gave her a kiss. Mike and I both melted inside.
• Really great at sitting up. Can sit unassisted for about ten seconds after being balanced. Likes the bumbo.
• Loves Sophie the vullie giraffe. Specifically, Sophie's feet....I guess those are hoofs...
• Enjoys looking out the window.
• Loves sitting in the bottom seat of the stroller.
• Adores looking in the mirror.
• Still loves ceiling fans.
• Loves sitting in her bath seat and is filled with awe when water falls from a cup.
• Grabs EVERYTHING. Its so precious how excited she gets when her little fingers are reaching, streeeetching for whatever is juuuust out of her reach.
• Is very patient and sometimes even giggly when her brother gets rough with her.
• Fits best in size 9 clothes
• Lights up when she receives attention, even if its just making  eye contact.
• Puts herself to sleep after a nice little session of being rocked and lovingly sang to.
• Waves her arms in excitement, nor knowing what to do with them.
• Still absolutely must be burped after eating. Unburped Urban is unhappy Urban.
• Loves suckin those little toesies
• No longer wants her arms swaddled

Capacity to Love. A Love Story

I’m totally and completely in love with this tiny person.

This story may start out a little sad…but trust me, it’s a very happy ending :)
I was so scared when she was born. Even more scared than I was to have Atlas. You think you would be more scared for your first child. I bonded with Atlas months before he was born. Not Urban. My fear wasn’t that I wouldn’t know how to take care of her, like it was with Atlas. My fear was that I wouldn’t love her, because my love capacity was so taken up by Atlas…to the point of bursting….
There were even times during my pregnancy with Urban that I wondered why I decided to become pregnant, because I couldn’t play with Atlas like I used to, and I LOVE to play with Atlas….we would rough house and run and jump and I couldn’t do any of that anymore, at times I was upset with the baby inside…. :(
When I went into labor, I called my mother….sobbing….uncontrollably….I couldn’t even talk. All I could think about was loosing time with Atlas. No more one on one. Being torn away from my baby boy, that’s what I thought this stranger about to enter my life was doing…. Sounds so horrible doesn’t it….

And then I saw her tiny face. Her helpless cry. Crying out for me, the one woman in this world the Lord entrusted this angel to. Why, I’ll never know. I do not deserve her. Absolute purity. Absolute innocence. Part of me that I’ve missed for so long (23 years and 363 days to be exact). And my capacity to love increased in that moment.

Then a few weeks ago, I was laying in bed with Urban, just laying there looking at her. She was looking back at me. And I was overcome with the spirit and I knew in my heart – I would do ANYTHING for her. I would die before I let anything bad happen to her. I think being willing to die for your child is pretty much a given with motherhood, but we had been so busy with the move and jobs and life that I had let my mind fall into a drone-like state of love & taking care of my family in a way that saw to their needs, emotional and physical, but not much beyond. This feeling was faaaar beyond. Through teary eyes I kept staring at her until she fell asleep and long after. She was staring at me too as she fell asleep. We bonded.
My love for her is far beyond any normal motherly love. Equal to my love for Atlas. Very different, but equal. Its so strong….I just want to like….curl my hands into fists and scream. Its just that strong.

I stare at her as much as I can now. Its all I can do to not grab my phone or ipad when I’m about to sit down and nurse, but I’m always happy I didn’t grab one of those once we connect and start staring into eachother’s eyes for ten to fifteen minutes…we will only share this special bond for a year-ish…its all I can do to get Atlas to look into my eyes for five seconds, let alone ten minutes!

This is my commitment to savor every moment

my baby girl will stare into my eyes.

My Commitment to stare back.