Play With Me

Please Atlas, never stop saying these words: “Mommy play with Atlas? PLEASE?”
Lately he will say this, and with the “PLEASE?” put his hands together, as if in prayer, literally begging me to play with him.
And it brings a small burn to my throat every time. It’s a powerful reminder to me that his world literally revolves around my choices…
He doesn’t have the power to take himself to the park to feel the sweet sun on his cheeks.
He doesn’t have the power to teach himself the alphabet and learn to read his favorite story about tractors.
He doesn’t realize that I have the power to simply go to the store and buy bags and bags of candy.
He is powerless to the world.
I have all of this power to decide his life and happiness….
And….it scares me.
What is this time-consuming, urgent, important task he is resting all happiness on my shoulders over?
Always something so simple for me, but so colossal for him, for his world.
The power of being a mother scares me….
Today I wanted pictures of us together, doing what we do. Playing. This is his life for the past three years, yet he will likely not remember a little thing like this, playing with blocks and tractors in his room with mommy, and that is kinda sad for me. Our LIFE for the last three years, he will not really remember when he is my age. I don’t remember being three years old…do you?

So here is something for you to remember Atlas, that you LOVED playing with mommy. And mommy LOVED playing with you too.

Of course, Atlas would have died if I did not let him take a picture of mommy….

My makeup is not done, my shirt has spitup on it and a big hole, and my hair is a little gross, but I took these pix anyways…they are even a little fuzzy because I was too lazy to do good settings on the camera… and that’s the idea behind Embrace The Camera.